I love watching reality dating TV shows.
My particular favorite is Love Island. If you don’t know what Love Island is, it’s a show that’s on every year where they put a bunch of beautiful humans together in a villa for two months and their goal is to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. As you will be able to imagine with that many people looking for a romantic relationship, it can get a bit messy.
It really is junk TV at its finest, and a terrible example for relationships, however, there are 3.4 million people watching this show, and 42% of the audience are young people[1]. This show will no doubt be influencing dating culture today.
TV ‘Love’ Shows are Nostalgic
I think back to when I was younger and the whirlwind romances I would find myself in. I loved the rush, I loved the excitement, I loved a bad guy.
I find it so interesting that on Love Island, the men who have the most integrity and respect for women don’t stand a chance with the girls because ‘they are too nice’ …they want a bad guy instead. The ironic thing is, they really do want the good guy – and are so bored of bad boy behavior.
Aren’t we all bored of Bad Boys?
I felt bored as some of the islanders boasted about sleeping with over 100 girls at the age of 21.
I felt bored when one guy would promise a girl the world and the next minute he was doing the same with a new girl.
I felt bored seeing how people were so consumed by the ego, and the list goes on.
I remember being younger and having a boyfriend who I loved and he cheated on me with another girl.
I was totally heart broken, and I took him back after, and then, he did it again.
From dealing with these situations in the past with dating I had to really deal with a lot of insecurities. Whilst I’m thankful for the experiences and what I learned from it – some of the heartache I went through could have been avoided.
The Love from Love Island is Weak
Culture today teaches us to jump from one thing to the next and give that person everything including having sex on the first date (which is actually wild to me now).
We are worth so much more and the problem with this mentality and lifestyle is that we are not learning the art of sacrificial love, integrity, and commitment.
This kind of ‘love’ that rates a person out of 10 and quits as soon as they don’t feel a buzz is not a good foundation for relationships, marriage and raising children.
5 Things Love Island Taught Me Not to Do In Relationship
So here it goes, 5 things I took from watching Love Island. What this show inspires us not
to do when it comes to relationships and dating.
- Feel free to say no.
You are not crazy if you don’t want to have sex with someone after one week let alone before marriage. You are normal. If anyone tries to make you feel bad for this, that is not your problem. When you want to say no to a date, a kiss, or sexual intercourse you are fully in your right to do so.
- Don’t tolerate any crap.
I think girls or guys know when something feels off. If someone is leading you on and not committing to you, they won’t show you off to their world, or they are cheating and messing about with other people and running back to you again and again. I know it’s hard but show them the door. You have to believe that there are so many people out there that would treat you like a queen or a king. There really, really is. Show. Them. The. Door.
- Love is a choice.
I find it interesting how most of our darling islanders have this amazing summer romance and they break up after about 6 months. As soon as the exciting new feeling goes and they start to do life together, they peace out because they’re just not buzzing like they did at first.
Sometimes love is a choice. When you are merging your life with someone else it can be challenging, and that’s okay.
There will be days you don’t feel like being all mushy and romantic, there will be days where they annoy you and you clash and this is all normal. It’s unrealistic to be buzzing over your relationship 24/7.
Of course love is a feeling, but when life is challenging, there will be days where you don’t feel it. And on those days we need to choose to love our partner, not move onto someone else because the spark has gone. The spark comes and goes as you do life. Don’t let the spark feelings be your foundation. Let true love be your foundation, and love is an action.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13:4 – 8a
- Don’t settle for less than you deserve.
Character is key. Do they work hard? Do they take ownership when they mess up? Are they self-aware? Are they kind? Are they interested in your world? Do they fight for you in the way you do for them? Now we are all a work in progress – but I would for sure have high standards when it comes to these things when you are looking for a lover to build your life with. - Sex is not the foundation of a relationship.
Sex is a beautiful God gift to humanity. A stunning act of love, the most intimate act of love you could physically share with someone else. It’s something you do with someone that actually releases chemicals in your brain to bond you to the person you are having sex with. Sex is so powerful with our spouse but it’s not the foundation.
Sex is the fruit of an intimate committed relationship; it’s not the roots. We need more than sexual attraction. The roots are friendship, trust, loyalty, wild adventure, communication, God’s word, community and the list goes on.
Sex or lust for someone is so often treated like the roots of a relationship and whilst sex is important, it is only one part of the relationship.
So there we have it; some food for thoughts. My hope for you is that you find a love that is so beautiful and peaceful, and maybe even be open to dating ‘the nice guys and girls’. It might be a change to the people you’ve dated. Be open and I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
[1] https://www.itvmedia.co.uk/news-and-resources/34-million-watch-love-island-final
